OK, So we all know parenting does not come with a manual. I have always loved to read the self help books and I love listening to Dr. Laura, but I have a problem and need some advice from the ladies in the house.
My eldest who will be 18 this month is wonderful and I could not ask for a better daughter. In fact I have several times called her " Cinderella " , which she does not like. She is obsessive about cleaning , which I have several times told her to stop and let the other kids handle the cleaning for a while. But she is so happy doing it , thats why I have called her " Cinderella" . But this is not my problem. My problem is that she doesn't seem to put the importance of herself in front of others. She gets distracted , especially with "the boy", and gets way off track with homework. At one point she had a standard not to be exclusive with any one person. She has been with "the boy" for the last 5 months now, He has been very persistant, which I don't like. He is going to be gone for 2 years and where does that leave her? Alone again. I think he is being very selfish and only serving himself here in this situation and is very unfair for Steph. This has also caused major issues with getting her homework done. We have explained this several times to both of them but their little "puppy love eyes" just cant see the big picture.
She also wants to be treated like an adult and make up her own mind. How can I sit back and let her do that and not have her priorities on order. I once talked with a sister in our ward ontime and asked her, " how do you just let them go and do what they want with out letting them fail?", She said " I just let them govern themselves and I would step in if needed so they didn't fail. I have done this. It's not working for me. I have exausted all the resources I have. So, do I let her go and hope things will work out for her? What about her future? I am really scared for her and the struggles she will have without her education.
As you can see I am rambling on and on here but clearly need your advice.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
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8 comments:
My dad is going to read this blog and think it is taken straight from his journal. I was VERY much the same at her age (not that im old wise woman now). Steph has a very good head on her shoulders, her and I have had some very serious talks about playing the "waiting" game for a missionary...Putting your life on complete hold for a boy that may grow up to be a completely different person in 2 yrs is a risky risky move to take. Now she is in your house and does need to follow your rules even if she is an "adult" now. My advice is to keep reminding her that boys are great and it is important to have those friendships BUT she will go no where in life if she does not get serious about her studies. They are not always fun, but life will be SO much harder if she does not complete her education. Jordan has so much on his mind right now about his future and what lay ahead for him. I dont know that I have much advice other than just keep reminding her that although love is a wonderful thing life must keep going and you must keep up with your commitments and goals
hope that helps -stef
My two cents: If they would both think ahead right now: they must have a great friendship and care for each other a lot. They both are setting themselves up for some hard adjustments if they don't monitor their friendship better. If he cannot focus more on what he will be doing on his mission and only on her, it will make for a harder adjustment in the MTC and possibly his mission. If your mind is elsewhere, their your heart is also. She needs to help him in this area,as much as he is responsible for this too. And, Steph needs to do the same for herself. She needs to get school done to get ahead in life. He needs to do her a favor and make it so she is achieving that and not holding her back. It is his responsibility to care about her achieving this right now. Not as much as her responsibility of course, but they need to develope a deeper care for the other person by caring about each other's futures not just in the now and "we have to be with each other every minute". Just sharing because I love you all and care and I had a teenage daughter! Julie
Thank you so much for your advice. I don't mean to make this so personal but I guess thats how it is. I know they will both do well if they keep their heart and mind in the right place. I just hate to see Steph have to have struggles in her life that will prevent her future goals and her happiness. This is not about sides. No one is perfect. Living in the moment is great if there is no future at stake. I lived in the moment for a long time. Its a good thing I got my head straigt and realized we have to work hard to get somewhere. Thank you all for the courage to post. I really needed some help. Love to all. D
BTW. It not like I don't like Jordan, I do, Its just that I dont think "singular dating " is what should be going on right now. Thats how people get hurt. I did express this several times to both of them, but, What would I know, I 'm only a mom. A mom with a deep concern for her daughter and her future.
this one is tough and I wish I had the answer but I don't. Being a teenager and being in love is something we all go through and we all survived so I know they will too. As for the mom side, I understand your concern. You just want the very best for Steph and for Jordan too. I guess this is the part where you lean on the Lord. Goodluck. AsI have said before, I don't want BIG kids. I'll just freeze mine at this age and keep all the little kid drama thank you!
Dana Your right. They will survive . The "puppy love" sindrome that they have now is not really my concern. The fact that Steph is not putting herself first is my concern. Her education will help her future. She may be 18 but she is extreamly behind in school. She says it is important but the effort is not there, that is my main concern. Steph needs her education. she can not just go out and get any job. She is going to have to have a specialty. Peanuts are everywhere and working at even a Subway or a Safeway is something she can't do.
As far as leaning on the Lord, I am. I have faith that things will be just fine. But I refuse to give handouts to someone who is not willing to do their part. Just because we put faith in the Lord on our part doesn't mean that the other person is going to go through a tremendous amount of stress while they figure life out. Thats the game. Thats why we are here and thats ok. I guess thats why they call is "tough Love". It is going to be hard for me to sit back and watch the struggles that Steph is going to have and not interfear anymore. Letting her fall is the hardest thing I will ever do and it hurts.
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